wishmamas :: by boho girl

by denise lynette andrade

photo by deb schwedhelm

The timing of becoming a mother was not at all how I always imagined it would be but in retrospect, was so absolutely perfect to what I needed.

I am a new mother at 37 after 4.5 years of dancing through a fertility journey and embracing adoption to build our family. Besides being one of the most amazing human beings I have ever met, my son Cedar was so very wise in knowing that his mommy needed time to figure out what kind of artist she wanted to be; a Photographer of artists.

Not too long after I made the decision to explore this path of capturing the spirit of an artist through my lens, we received a call from our adoption consultant about Cedar’s birth mom.

I am sharing all this to say how ironic that as soon as my art begins to soar and make sense and thrive, another life altering path comes into my world; Motherhood.

I am so very grateful that during those 4.5 years of my fertility journey, I was able to devote a lot of time to my creativity. It all unfolded slowly but perfectly and in between all of the tears and the pain and the longing for a child, I discovered my true self and learned how to listen to my heart. Vulnerability and the constant space of feeling raw is such an inspiring place to be when it comes to creating.



I took photographs. Many, many photographs and eventually learned that whenever I photographed an artist, everything just seemed to flow and feel so Zen and so me. But it took time to get there. Time that I otherwise may have not been able to devote to if I were to have gotten pregnant when I wanted to in the beginning.



So here I am…a Photographer of Artists, getting gigs that blow my mind. I was also approached to write a book about my journey. I am also in the process of creating a soul lifting eCourse very connected to my journey. But oh my gosh, my baby needs to be fed every few hours and changed and loved and played with and adored and snuggled and, and, and…the day has turned to night.

My dream of a rock star of a child is finally in my arms and of course he is my first priority and of course, I am enjoying every morsel of this time. So, I struggle…struggle with the part of me that is still a HUGE part of me, which is my need to put my art out into the world.

I had to come to a place of breathing and letting go and being very gentle about the whole process. It has taken me 7 months to organize a plan with my husband where I devote time away at a café once a week to work on my writing projects. I also choose days during the week where I write during his naptime but also allow myself to sleep when he sleeps if I need it or clean when he sleeps if the house is driving me mad. I make sure to schedule photo sessions during times that work for our family. I was pleasantly surprised how flexible my dear clients are about me and my new mommyhood. Most of my clients have ended up reading my blog and learn my story. That has helped so much with them honoring my need for a particular schedule.

As a Virgo, I have had to let go of my need for all things to feel within control. As a new mom, I have learned that it is impossible to predict how my days are going to unfold and plan accordingly. I am slowly learning the balance. I am allowing myself to be as flexible as my heart can be, hoping to avoid those emotional breakdowns that comes from not fulfilling those other parts of me that I need to nurture besides being a mother.

photo by tara whitney

I don’t have all the answers as it always changes but what I do know for certain is that café time and nap times are MY time and I embrace this. I am also grateful for a supportive husband that is happy to bond with our child, while I drive to Los Angeles to photograph a dreamy artist!